League of Foster Families

What I found so interesting about my experience in Ukraine, was how haphazardly I met people doing work with orphans. Like Maryna Mikhailivna of League of Foster Families in Ukraine. I don't even remember how I came across her contact info (actually, I think she may have contacted me not to toot my own horn). I remember being really satisfied with myself because I felt I came across a great contact on my own, without the help of my mentor in Ukraine, Maryana. When I told her that I had scheduled an interview, she knew who she was and helped me prep a bit.

Ahhhhh, how I miss all those random meetings in Ukraine. I had the address in hand, but finding a building in Kyiv is never so simple. I think I circled around a set of buildings for about a half an hour (I gave myself plenty of time, always one hour ahead of time, 20 min of which I spent shivering in the cold). I asked like five pensioners which building and all told me with certainty it was not the building I was looking for. Ahhhhh Ukraine....

Anywho, Maryna is an incredible woman. Not only did she adopt a child from the orphanages (her daughter was already a teen when she adopted, I can imagine the emotional struggles there), but she is a committed activist. When we met, I asked some pretty pointed questions about the status of orphans. Asking questions about controversial issues is not always the best way to gain people's trust, but I guess she believed that I was really trying to help out, because she answered my questions

Some of the most interesting things we talked about was the difficulty foster parents have actually fostering a child. The government, it seems, makes is uber difficult for foster families to house children, rightly so, but it seems that the process needs to be streamlined because according to Maryna there were many families trained to be foster parents but most of them, were bogged down with paperwork and beauracratic processes. I found this sort of demoralizing since there were people who were willing to help and family structures would be so beneficial to these children.

Maryna also told me that some of the children in foster families have physical disabilities (when I asked about mental disabilities, she basically said, any child coming out of an orphanage is going to face emotional struggles- I agree). She requested my help in trying to raise money for medical care and surgery. If anyone reading this would like to help out in this regard, please let me know.

I was really impressed with Maryna's activist spirit. One project in particular was starting an academic journal that would focus on orphans. She said that the journal would address the psychological and physical conditions of children as well as the social and political concerns.

If anyone is interested in learning more about League of Foster families, please contact me.

Stay cool everyone, drink plenty of water and eat lots of fruit (basically, the only food aside from salsa I can tolerate in the summer).

Quality of Life for disabled orphans: isolation

Pulling up to the orphanage, I was surprised that this was it. I could barely make out the tiny sign explaining the "internat" (orphanage). It struck me that these buildings were constructed to hide and isolate these children from the communities surrounding them. Out of sight, and out of mind.

Good quality of life varies from person to person, however, I believe that a good life is being a successful human in harmony with my surroundings. I know this may sound very Buddhist/zen to you, but I feel its a good summation of all the different components which make up a good life.

Now, when I start to measure up an orphan's life to my standard of good living, I observe many incongruities. The isolation of children from a community halts the act of being in harmony with one's surroundings. Growing up in an isolated environment shatters a child's capability to attach to other human beings. Also, unable to interact in society, orphans lack an understanding of certain norms and behaviors. As adults, these children could likely be victimized by manipulative individuals reinforcing their inability to form attachments and drive them to further isolation.

Isolating orphans has very dire effects on children with mental and physical disabilities. By keeping disabled people hidden, individuals do not have to interact with disability and lack of interaction leads to ignorance. People become fearful of what a person with disabilities is like. When Dzherela organization built dorms for adults and teens with mental disabilities, neighbors protested. People were afraid that the new occupants would cause trouble and upset the peace.

Fear builds in the place of acceptance. Maybe this is why I chose to write about isolation as my first analysis of the quality of orphans' lives. Parents who are fearful that they cannot care for a child with special needs give that child up for adoption. Many Ukrainians voiced their concern that people with disabilities are mocked and so are better off protected from the mainstream.

A disability movement has already begun in Ukraine, but I want to see more. I would love for acceptance to take the place of isolation.

Adoption and Unavailable Orphans

I admire couples who decide to adopt children internationally (yes, even the celebrities). Aside from the beauracracy and the staggering expenses, couples also deal with the heart ache of becoming attached to a child and learning that child is unavailable because he/she still has family ties with their family.

In ony of my visits to the orphanage, I remember one morning where a Ukrainian family came to take a child home. The grandfather of the child came accompanied by the child's mother. The two of them met with orphanage supervisors to discuss the possibility of taking the child back. My reaction to a case like this is split. On the one hand, I know that children belong in families and so I was happy this child's caretaker had returned. Yet, the mother of the child was accompanied by the grandfather (I believe this was necessary to prove to the orphanage staff that in case the mother was incapable of caring for the child, the grandfather would step in as caretaker) which suggested to me this mother was possibly unprepared. Would the child fare well in such a scenario? I hoped so.

I can imagine how hard it is for foreign couples to meet a child, form a connection, want to adopt and then find out that child still has family ties. I believe the Ukrainian goverment is very sensitive to the desires of parents who give their children up for adoption, but try to retain connection with the child. It is also my understanding that the Ukrainian government prefers for an orphan to be adopted back by the child's original family or a Ukrainian couple. I noticed that in adoptions, some foreign couples are duped into thinking they are adopting a healthy child and then when they arrive in Ukraine, that child is swapped for a child with a physical and mental disabilities and/or is sick and unwell. Or sometimes, the orphanage staff misleads the adopting couple/individual (this applies to both Ukrainian and foreign couples or individuals) into thinking the child they are adopting is free of medical problems.

Working with disabled orphans, my heart goes out to all the disabled children who need to be adopted. Speaking of family ties, there was this one child, B, who had something like CP and was already much older, around 16 years of age. His family would take him on vacation every summer but he would live at the orphanage year around. What made things even more complex in B's case, was that B was a twin and his twin did not have a disability. Ughh, this stuff racks my brain sometimes. I have mini ethical breakdowns when I think of this stuff for too long.

In B's case and I'm sure there are other children like him, families cannot handle the responsibility of caring for a child with disabilities. Whether they can actually handle or do not want to, is hard to say. I am sure the difficulty in caring for a child with a disability in Ukraine is a spectrum. All I can say is I want it to change. I want more families to keep their children even when they are born with disabilities. There are definitely outlets and support available to these people in Ukraine. I know because I learned about a lot of them while doing my Fulbright. It is still hard in small villages located in remote areas. But little by little, I think the perception of disability will change if more parents are willing to step up to the challenge of caring for a child with a disability.

Meeting in Dobb's Ferry

I am really excited to be back on the bandwagon and telling people about the status of Ukrainian orphans. Last night, I spoke to a group of women who belong to a Ukrainian Women's Association called Coyuz Ukrainoik. They asked me to speak and talk about my Fulbright experience in Ukraine and any information I had on orphans.

I believe that many Ukrainian Americans are aware of what is going in orphanage, but it is still tough news to share. My chats never end on a very uplifting note, even when I try to stay positive. Still, I think its really important to inform the international community. Also, the more I speak out about, the more I better understand what's going on or learn to practice explaining it.

Still, I have difficulty communicating. I often find that when I answer any question relating to orphans, there is a general answer with a million exceptions and unknowns. For example, " Are these truly orphans, do they have parents?" Answer: "Well yes, but some children do have parents who are unable to care for them. So they may come visit on weekends, once a month or once a year. Or maybe they'll just drop into the child's life out of nowhere asking to take the child home." Its hard to have one outcome in these cases because each child has an individual story and background. That's life I guess- often, unpredictable. And that's Ukraine, often random and chaotic.

I think that helping orphans in Ukraine is an important project for the Ukrainian diaspora. As a large community of different talents and backgrounds, we can collaborate to alleviate the adversity these children face. My hope is that you reading this blog will become interested and even devise your own projects and make your own connections. And of course, email me your feedback or comment.

Additionally, last night I met a woman who adopted two children from Ukraine. Her children are 16 now and thriving. She explained that there were definitely things to overcome when she first brought her children to the US and they had to undergo an extensive rehabilitation and medical evaluation. I commend parents who adopt from Ukraine. Adopting a child is very emotional and physically draining process, not to mention expensive.

I would love feedback from parents who adopt children in Ukraine and abroad. What are your thoughts about the process? Why do you think its so expensive. I would like to dedicate an entry on this, but first I would love to hear your thoughts. Comment below.